Sometimes I wonder how I get through life…A story of survial.

Okay. So. I am an allegedly competent adult. Like- people trust me. With money. I manage people, budgets, strategy—like, real grown-up stuff. And yet here I am. In the shower. Losing a fight to gravity and basic coordination.

It starts innocent enough—shaving my legs, minding my business, trying not to die. And then BAM. I somehow gouge the ever-loving crap out of my toe. Why? Because apparently, I forgot how balance works. Cool.

Then I notice there’s already blood on my ankle. Oh good! I injured myself before the actual fall. Efficiency! Love that for me.

Let’s add some context: I’m at my parents’ house because our bathroom is gutted down to the studs (see yesterday’s “chaos edition: mold and misery”). Their shower? Has a curtain. Not a door. A CURTAIN. You cannot lean on a curtain, Laura. And yet. You did.

Now I’m slipping, bleeding, trying to finish shaving one-legged like some deranged flamingo, thinking, “This is how I die. Naked. In my parents’ shower. Truly my legacy.”

So now I’m wobbling, bleeding, shaving, and swearing—like a one-woman action movie nobody asked for. I finally think, okay, abort mission, get out before you die. I step out—except apparently the floor is not where it’s supposed to be—and my entire body goes, “SURPRISE!”

I yell “Son of a—Jesus, Mary—I got it, I got it!”

Now I’m bleeding, dripping, and half-naked, hopping around my parents’ bathroom trying to find a towel that isn’t white because, well, blood. Their vanity drawers are all slippery smooth, so I’m slamming them open and shut like a raccoon in a panic.

Cue my mom from the other side of the door: “ARE YOU OKAY IN THERE?”

Yes, Mom. Just having a casual battle for my dignity. Totally fine.

And here’s the thing—I know how ridiculous I am. I know it. Painfully aware. Like, some people live their whole lives blissfully unaware of their chaos and I envy them. They just float around being normal and not, you know, this.

Meanwhile, I’m out here broadcasting every idiotic thing I do like it’s a TED Talk titled “How to Injure Yourself Doing Absolutely Nothing.”

Add it to the list of things I am absolutely not going to work on.

Confidently winging it—powered by chaos and caffeine.